Understanding Acquired deaf culture (III)

In the third of my 'understanding acquired deaf people', (So get a cup of tea or a drink ready while you read), I decided to cast my mind back to the heady days when I had a hearing aid that actually served some purpose, and I Knew what a cat sounded like and Kylie Minimoggy (The same). I was issued one at 15yrs of age, about 3 years too late. 60% of my hearing had already gone by then, I'd lost all my educational advance by that time, and gone from top of class, to last.. and beaten up by my teacher for my sins.

I cried for 5 weeks at home when they gave me one, wore it a few times at work, then got rid of it until I was 21, because workmates made wearing one an misery, then had a breakdown of sorts, caused by depression. I just sat down one day and realised that was it, I was near deaf, show over, I could see no future as a deaf person, when I eventually went to zero hearing in both ears, my hair turned grey in 36 hours..

I recall going to my doctor and saying I really really need time to work out what I can do, and I needed help. He just said get a grip. Depression didn't exist then. I still am ashamed to state I was depressed in any form, it's why I get angry when others suggest I whine because I find it hard at times. I was upset with a hearing aid, wouldn't any young teen starting out ? I mean no girl would ever look at me would she ? and how would I disguise the lump of plastic in my ear, the wire ? and the whistles and noises it kept making ? Real end of the world stuff to a teen.

During my teen years I didn't attempt to sustain a single relationship with a girl at all, I was part of the crowd that was it, perhaps they should call us the spectators. This isn't At the Rim for nothing. I could never have coped, if a girl had laughed or something. I Played the joker, (Always a good way to disguise the fact you give silly answers to pretty simple questions!), but I never took anything to that next stage.

Hiding your medresco was a popular pastime in my day, I taped my aid wires to my back, wore a vest and put the medresco under my armpit, and grew long hair so you couldn't see my ears at all. The scratching noises made me cringe whenever I Moved. The quirk of my loss, was you would lose frequencies, words, sentences even, or, perhaps hear the lot, everything was totally unpredictable, and of course never understood. When you hear about the term "Hear when he or she wants to," then that's where it comes from. But we have no CHOICE in that, it is completely random and beyond our control. It was relief and terror combined when it all went.

Relief the uncertainty was over, terror on what lay ahead. People have been known to invest in rubber wallpaper on the onset of deafness. the dreaded 'Medresco' aid was developed by the British Post Office, why, we aren't sure, I'd prefer it if they delivered the post on time, and stopped using my letter box as refuse disposal. . I gather the government decided, post office = communication, so develop some for the deaf ! it was because of their expertise' in telephones etc, they thought they could make hearing aids a lot smaller, transistors ? remember them ? cutting edge at the time, everything was getting smaller.... Up until then, I suppose they carried hearing aids on their back like army kit, powered by car batteries, I don't know....

Mostly you didn't have them, and you were just sent off to some centre and shouted at, can you work with wood ? want to make baskets ? Fold up cardboard ? Work in an noisy printing room ? It is where they got the term 'basket case' from, it was very clear in that time deaf were viewed as mentally ill, and you got all the abuse that went with that. Did you know 85% of all 'labels' the deaf or disabled ever got were based on poor mental health ? regardless if that was the cause or not, hence 'retard', 'nutter', 'dumb' etc, they all pertain to mental states, not poor hearing.. The medresco was more useful as a bird and cat - scaring device and passion killer, than alleviating the stress, and allowing you to 'hear' anything.

Hearing via an aid is always relative isn't it ? Basically it was just an mini and industrial amplifier and nothing else, and, a very strong one too, it created more deaf than it ever helped it has to be said, the cultural community owes the post office a debt of gratitude for creating so many potential new members. I and many others who wore them, still have the legacy of Tinnitus they created in us too, more pain, no gain.

I've heard more white noise than most, I should be well and truly brain-washed by now, you won't need to play whale noises at me any more, I speak whale fluently.... with a touch of Dolphin. As your hearing got worse the volume went up, so did the pain in your ears. I smashed one against the wall in sheer frustration. It hurts ! I said, so they gave me a STRONGER one, a 'Bosch' with stereophonic output, and TWO volume switches on.

It was a bit like gears in a car, you cranked up the volume on one switch to get more or less aware where sound was coming from, then put the other switch on and try to make some sense of it, that went in the bin too. I gather the modern equivalent is digital aids with 22 or more gears.... and a hot line to CNN and the BBC as a bonus.

I wore my 'BE 65' (behind the ear), aid to the bitter end, indeed the 4 YEARS before I finally 'came out' and admitted I was deafer than o'reilly's door post and then some, and had heard nothing in that time. I wore it for a reason I still cannot really figure out, as I was profoundly deaf in every sense of the word, I suppose wearing an hearing aid, suggested you were still in with a shout or three to the hearing world, shout being the operative word here, and still well away from the hand waving fraternity. Never mind 'How are you', 'half past two' I never got any further than "Ow..."

It's a curious thing going deaf, not much fun, no 'journey' to my new ID as such, most of my 'journeys' were to the ENT dept to get new batteries... just a hell of a lot of pain, frustration, tears, arguments and stress, so I'd not recommend deafness as a leisure pursuit, try swimming or line-dancing (Not at the same time though)..

My grandmother was acquired deaf too, she was so deaf the support services gave her an old fire station bell, one that they really used in fire stations,



and you rang it by hand. Another was similar, connected to the doorbell, it was 14 inches in diameter, and you could hear it literally 300 yards away, well, YOU could, she still couldn't, she never heard of sign language, and just laughed with others who called her a 'deaf old bat'.

Deafness is easier when you are older, most expect it, however the real trick is to NEVER EVER COMPLAIN, because then people won't show any patience toward you, everyone loves those who suffer in silence, and have no patience, if you don't want to be 'brave' and 'heroically' out there in no-man's land, being patronised and ignored to buggery. Being positive has a lot to answer for. I find a good moan and whine quite beneficial, so if you want to be a martyr feel free.

Mother was acquired deaf also, it is said the stress of having my sister was the cause... we debated there was some hereditary factor at work with 3 or 4 generations going the same way.... I was the first male in the family to follow the deaf line, up until then we had 3 or 4 generations where the females got it.

She took the initial approach of taking out her savings to buy £3,000's worth of hearing aids, that frankly collected wax and nothing else. With them she was confidence itself, and would have run the country with one hand behind her back, without them, she endured panic attacks, cold sweats, giddy spells, agoraphobia, angina, heart disease, and cried in bed at night for hours on end. She wore them till the day she died, spent 8 years with aids that gave her not a single db extra.

When other deaf ask why do we hang on to nil or poor hearing as such, I think the answer is, we find deafness horrifying basically, and know it will divorce us from everything we ever knew, we also know logic suggests, then WHY wear an useless aid ? Fear and outright Terror mostly. I know my mother was terrified of being deaf,when I have an hour to myself, I get scared too sometimes, it never goes away. Deafness has continual bad press, then, it is always difficult to put positive spin on it. Even 35 years of deafness has not made that situation easier.

Further reading

Understanding AD and Menieres

Understanding AD culture