Listed as a term for people who are half-caste or not quite one thing or another, the term coconut assumes a derogatory and even offensive meaning, it divides people by image and divides families and worse. Most people with deafness or hearing loss are 'coconuts', and I don't mean that in a derogatory way, but only as an metaphorical example description of what most are.
In the absence of an real identity or image, the majority are desperately trying to adopt some culture of deafness, or desperate to hide the fact they are deaf at all. We have been seduced by the culture of deafness as an answer to our own issue, deaf culture is not free therapy. I read deaf.read and many comments about deaf culture, hearing etc and between the lines it is clearly some search as to understand why we are deaf, and why we need some identity re-established, deafness and mainstream has robbed us of. It's not deafhood (God forbid !), that was created by the Deaf to tell us in no uncertain terms, we, are not them, OK its a fairy tale but THEY believe it, and they need to see a line drawn, as do we.
What I read over recent years is many who have lost or losing hearing, are trying to adopt 'Deaf' ways and means of communications and lifestyles, but still trying to regain their hearing status ID with inevitable conflict. Deaf look at us in disdain, as well they might, culture isn't some lifestyle choice to them born that way, it is some natural event, something we can never accept. From the moment our hearing starts to wane, the advice is sign-language, deaf community, all these alien things that let's fess up, we totally ignored up until the time our loss forced us to think about it. We yearn to hear again, the Deaf do not.
We are faced then with a deaf system that bears no relation whatever to your need. It was after all designed for those born that way or have been deaf long enough to never know any differently, it works for them they don't want it adapted or fixed thank you. Our first reaction is rejection, approach the Lip-reading aspects, which is then found to be horrendously difficult a skill to require, and with an 78% failure rate at stage one, most walk after 8 lessons, and as you are at low ebb coping, you simply may not have the energy to stick with it and the classes are pretty dire mostly and stocked with people not really deaf at all, and you end up if your hearing is dire, sidelined even by them, or a tutor who cannot cope with you... see attending sign classes and add ditto.... they are all hearing, the chances of meeting another deaf person, even a deaf teacher is 1000 to 1. Deaf don't need to learn sign they now it already.
To ask for advice is huge step, and the advice is total crap mostly about sign language learning and deaf clubs and social workers and culture, and.. usually by hearing people who need to categorise and label, because there is no room for real difference, they don't seem aware either the focus on social interaction is no longer in the clubs or similar areas, and the question of culture is rattled around as a norm to adopt, just learn sign there you go, you are now like them....you could go online but interaction is not quite the same, they could be hearing or whatever, fine so long as you don't have to try communicating face to face.
Many years ago when we read of people having imaginary friends, we were told that's OK if you are a child, and can grow out of it, but you would need treatment if an adult, facebook appears to have validated talking to yourself is the norm... Which is enough to frighten anyone away for good. At no point are you recognised as the individual you are, or your status given any foundation, you are on some diminished decibel loss journey to somewhere you'd rather not go, and all that goes with it you don't want.
Since none will enable you to return to your hearing status quo. We get the ID wars, as deaf reject us as not like them or, we have to adapt to them to get any sort of acceptance, which basically annoys the hell out of us, because we have to make all the running, so you change emphasis and this annoys cultural deaf even more, all the time you are struggling with getting back to your own hearing ID, what we need is a coconut culture of our own, and to be proud of it, if we aren't A or B, then sod it, we are C. We are not AB or BA, or a swedish pop group ! and we need stand alone services that reject the Hard of Hearing and the deaf, two-step blinkered approach.
Why are trying to be what we aren't ? Born deaf do not try to be hearing, so why do we try to be born again deaf ? and fail to be true to ourselves ?
4 comments:
Have a comment ?