Tuesday, 9 August 2016

Alright on the Right...

I was reading one site today, and it was about 'human rights', and how breathing had become an affront to the undertaking community, and if you are caught so doing, it was now punishable by 15 years imprisonment.

Someone was arguing about Alf Garnet on TV many years ago, how racist he was, (He wasn't he was exposing racism and bigotry but....), and how glad they were nobody makes 'humour' like that anymore, (True we've stopped laughing now, but may I suggest this rather defeats the point of humour ?).  Typically, I assume they hold meetings like this now....

"First on the agenda today comrades, we have this 'Englishman, Irishman, and  a Scotsman joke, what do you think... Please, it is only as an extreme example...

"An Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Scotsman were captured while fighting in a far-off foreign land, and the leader of the captors said, 'We're going to line you up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all in turn.  But first, you each can make a final wish.'

The Englishman responds, 'I'd like to hear "God Save The Queen" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, played by the London All Boys Choir. With Morris Dancers Dancing to the tune.'

The Irishman replies, 'I'd like to hear "Danny Boy" just one more time to remind me of the auld country, sung in the style of Daniel O'Donnell, with Riverdance dancers skipping gaily to the tune.'

The Welshman answers, 'I'd like to hear "Men Of Harlech" just one more time to remind me of the country, sung as if by the Treorchy Male Voice Choir.'

The Scotsman says quickly, 'I'd like to be shot first."

Perhaps our new member Abdul would like to start off ?   

"Thank you comrades, I think we have to ascertain first, is the term Englishman discriminatory ?  (Hear Hear !), perhaps an deliberate attempt to label people ? (Yes !!!), is this Englishman or any of them, a disabled person ? (good point...good point), if not, why wasn't disability included into the Joke ? We're all equal now surely ?   I'd like to see this Englishman described as placed in a wheelchair, (and deaf and blind too if possible..).

Mr Patel ?  

"I suggest if we let 'Englishman' through, then does this suggest the Irish, the Welsh, and the Scottish are somehow inferior ? or even, not part of Great Britain ? Why aren't these three people all disabled?  Or even BLACK !  (Yo man you is the biz !!'). does the joker suggesting English are all white people ? I tell you comrades, it's the thin end of the wedge (Meaning no disrespect to wider or even obese (Can we say obese ?), wedges of course ...) I suggest we refer this term back to the DRC/DDA/RSPCA/NSPCC/LAPD, and to our umbrella group of 35 organisations for clarification, agreed.... ? 

Mutter, mutter... agreed, (I say no personally can't stand them....).

Next on the agenda comrades,  this collection of translations has been submitted, by our 'Free Syria/Iraq/Afghanistan and the Iranian 'Gay Rights NOW!' coalition....do we allow them through ?

• "Kbar Khali-Kili Haftir Lotfan."
Thank you for showing me your marvellous gun. 

• "Khrel, Jepaheh Maneh Va Jayeii Amrikahey" 
I will tell you the names and addresses of many Western spies travelling as reporters. 

• "Tikeh Nuneh Ba Ob Khrelleh Bezorg Va Khube Boyast Ino Begeram" 
The water soaked breadcrumbs are delicious, thank you. I  really must have the recipe. 

• "Ekr Gabul Cardan Davat Parh Gush Divar"
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on the floor with my arms above my head with my legs apart, I'm sure it is relaxing. 

• "Maternier Ghermez Ahlieh Ghorban" 
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency. 

• "Howmaeh Fekr Tamomeh Oeh Gorteh Bande" 
I agree with everything you have ever said and thought in your whole life. 

• "Balli, Balli, Balli" 
Whatever ..... 

• "Auto Arraregh Davateman Mano Sephaheh- Hasti" 
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the trunk of your car. 

• "Cashal-Eh Fashal-Eh Tupheman Na Degat Man Goftam Cheeshayeh Mohemarir Behmeshvarehma." 
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages, I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

Carried unanimously........ ? Carried....

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