Dear 'Angry from Northampton'
I would with your express permission, like to take the opportunity afforded, to respond to your recent letter regarding the state of current politics (And my small part in it), in the United Kingdom (As defined by the respective areas and affiliations, Mongoloid individuals in that area, see themselves, and thus respecting those rights therein), and myself as your local member of parliament in particular.
You did not state if you voted for me or not, I am assuming not as you appear to be struggling with the letter X. I would draw your attention to paragraph 3 in your lengthy letter, (Lines 3 to 5), in that, as I understand it, it is anatomically impossible, for any individual, let alone a respected member of her majesty's parliament, with a majority of 1256, to attain that extremely painful position, or insert sideways the object in question.
There were claims, (please read, "Double-jointedness, sadism, and other obscure native customs of the upper Umbopu deltas", by Arthur Closworth (Published by Binge and Whinkham 1977), that did claim something similar, but I gather the orifice in question was much larger, and peculiar to that native species, and rather the exception to the general rule, than their norm, and as I am aware, I am not a member of that tribe, indeed, I hail from Buckinghamshire.
Could I also point out aspects of dubious and lack of erudite spelling apparent, in paragraph 4 ? According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the word "Idiot" has no 'J' in it, nor a 'P', it doesn't begin with a 'B' either. You may be interested to know, my fellow MP for Uxgrimble (East), Mr John Falseworthy, has recently published his own family historical book, in which, (far from your somewhat obscenical statement, and declarations), is fully aware of his parentage, and that it can be accurately validated to 1675, also his spouse has no facial disfigurement, or anatomy resembling obese porcines, as he is aware....
I am unsure your reference in paragraph 6, to commonwealth and other foreign visitors to our shores, altogether complies with racial equality laws, disability, ethnic, or even animal rights legislation. I'm almost sure it contains 36 Human rights violations, and constitutes a clear case for libel, as well as 17 clear examples of religious intolerance.
Public transport may well not be adequate in your area, but I'm unsure if current road legislation allows for dogs to be used in the manner you have ascribed, on a public highway, or, if naked females should be forced to assume that unsightly position... But I am pretty certain you won't get a road license for it.
Included in my response, I have taken the liberty to send you a large dictionary for your further use, in the fervent hope it may help alleviate repetitive strain injury to your lips and fingers as they constantly move along the page as you read. It is of course in large print. I wonder if you could clarify the exact area you are from ? and the primary language you use ?
Paragraphs 7 to 9, I have been completely unable to fathom, and I e-mailed it to a professor of ancient hieroglyphs in Cairo, who is also stumped, but quite excited, as he feels there is possibly a new language here, hitherto unknown to historians, unfortunately without a 'Rosetta stone' to help along the way, we are as yet unable to respond to the content of those paragraphs. There appears aspects of Latin and gibberish in it, maybe some Swahili ?
I look forward (I think), to your further response, but with some trepidation to be honest.....
Arthur Merston MP.