A lot hinges on the Hoh person, they need to make it clear which mode is best for you to follow, be it pencil/paper, clear lip-speaking, good lighting, toning down background noise, using a mobile phone etc....
Factually 76% of those with hearing loss are in complete denial or even ignorance as to what their ability to follow IS. 2/3rds don't even wear a hearing aid they need. 3m in the UK won't. While it is right to point out aspects we need to follow, most of us aren't doing it. 'What hearing have to do..' is a repetitive plea but very little on 'What HoH need to do..' as well. Communication is a two-way street.
Most with hearing loss issues don't know what really works for them, they maybe haven't done the 'acid' test of exposing themselves daily to the challenges, this isn't unusual, retiring from the 'fray' is a stress reliever too, the trick is to ensure you don't do too much of it..
It may not be a single mode approach you need, and what we think we hear and understand and what we actually do, tends to be debatable. We are hardly in the right position to know. Even dependent sign language users can falter with their support in place. Many of us 'pro- listeners', make a decision as to how much detail we want, research background to prevent meanderings by others so we can concentrate on the core information we need, make notes of primary info details you require, and stick to them, rambling asides aren't welcome and a detraction from the main point. Keep social chit-chat for AFTERWARDs. Then you don't get sucked into lapses where you come off worst or fail to get the info you asked for.
Once you accept there are people who won't oblige you, and others you cannot follow at all, but realise most will if you make a simple request to help, then it gets much easier, I've done 47 yrs this way and not had to rely on others. Playing the victim is not me anyway... The key, was being brutally honest with yourself and not waiting for others to point it out, and then assuming you are some kind of village idiot instead. I couldn't follow, what was the point nodding assent that I did? Hearing are told by me, 'If I nod too much that means I am NOT following you as well as you might assume.. please ensure I have via the alternatives I have asked for. We need to drop the defensive/aggressive approaches too. 'Laying down the deaf/HoH law' to all and sundry can just annoy people. A simple request is all you need. I find co-operation much more effective and a less confrontational route that way.
First get assessed as to what DOES work with you, then go about addressing it. Your families are probably best placed to tell you how it really is but don't then rely on them for cover, that's cheating. Don't assume you know yourself if it did work, would you be in this position anyway, short of admitting you didn't? No side-stepping with technology, or using others, the proof of accurate understanding is via one on one, and face to face, not by remote.
Try not to get depressed about it and face up to it instead. Contrary to popular belief others cannot do it for you. If you allow them, then you aren't dealing with it yourself, simples...